The System

it's incredible how powerful the mind is, how it must cope with any given situation. i have been in bed for a week, in one room, people coming in and going out. My brother and Jojo providing a continuous flow of Life Force (food) keeping me alive and healthy, the doctors bringing a continuous delivery of bad news, the nurses doing the best of what they can with bellow the par tools, experience and information, cleaners who come in at the worst time you can imagine, make the room sting of toxic disinfectants, and porters who bang you against every wall in the hospital as they wheel you to different scanning machines. I'm telling you, it's great fun. for sure it beats going from pool to pool, treatment to treatment, in the beautiful Florida sunshine at Hippocrates.

So Mr Dehghani you are paralised for life, chest down and IF you survive the cancer, you will live life in a wheelchair. OK, i get the message, but when can i start looking at rehabilitation centers and give myself the best rehabilitation start, i need to limit every millimeter of damage to my spine and potential future movements, i need to see a specialist urgently. this is a cancer hospital and you guys don't know much about spinal rehabilitation. i was recommended Stoke Mandveille and The Wellington Centre. can we please get in touch with them and ask for some advice as what my range of movements should be and what to avoid? you can't just forget about my legs, i can't just forget about them, if miracles happen, i want it to happen to me, i want to protect myself. They were all looking at me as if i had lost my mind!

Their response was we need to start you on this new Chemotherapy and stop the tumor from growing further. I said the last MRI scan did not show extensive growth. Can we do a CT scan, see the extend of disease growth and take a decision on the chemo then. A CT scan was organised for Tuesday.

I spent all day Monday calling the different rehabilitation centers myself, emailing them URGENT, URGENT, URGENT etc. Monday night, 8 pm! a Dr Fidel Derry from Stoke Mandveille called me. i was very touched he had taken the time to do this. he asked me to tell him my story from the beginning which i did. He knew the neurosurgeon who had given the disability verdict on my leg and but did not get involved in his verdict.

He said i hope you don't mind me being frank with you. we/most rehabilitation centers work with post accident injuries and rarely with spinal cord rehabilitation caused by chronic diseases. we feel that unless there is a high chance of recovery, ie total remission from the tumor, then it is not in the best interest of the patient or the hospital to spend 3 to 4 months rehabilitating you. they could be spending this time with their friends and family and enjoy the last few months of their lives! Basically they would not accept me as a patient, unless my oncologist was convinced that i have good survival chance of more than a year so on. these were harsh words, once again, ruling out all possibilities and killing hope. But for some very strange reason, the way he explained his opinion, i saw a sense in what he was saying, not that i agreed with it. i could see how it would be true for some people. he then went on to explain that after rehabilitation people live a normal independent lives, they can drive, live on their own, they might not be able to do DIY or might need help with gardening, but life can be pretty much normal depending on their age and their will. he made me feel good about the future, much better about my situation. amazing what an experience voice does. i started thinking of electric wheelchairs, all disability allowances, parking, never queuing, there are so many benefits. i will just cream it : )

Tuesday morning i needed bathroom, i had to be lifted out of my bed by a hoist and put into a portable loo, the funniest thing you can imagine. as i was hanging up in the air, Jojo and i were looking at each other laughing. what has life come to! so glad she was there to help me. i did my enema and wheatgrass implant. i felt so good after awards. i totally cleared my digestive system. when you're stuck in a bed, it all gets stuck in you, so important you clear it so new food and energy can follow through. now they normally give u drugs or depositories, don't fancy those chemicals going in. natural way al the way.

CT Scan. 30 minutes later.... Doctors come in groups.
Your disease is out of control. The latest CT Scan, contrary to the MRI scan which had shown no tumor growth on the spine, shows tumor spread to your liver, right chest and your previous tumor in your back chest wall has doubled in size. aggressive and fast growing. we need urgent action.
We are 50% confident the chemo will work and we want to start tomorrow. we need to organise your PICC line for tomorrow, i asked for 30 minutes to confirm my decision.

So this is what i did

My Situation:
Enemy, an extremely fast tumor growing in me, the ferrari of all tumors.
Friend, My Diet, Going to Hippocrates saved my life, but takes time, patience, it's a life change program
Dodgy guy i know, he doesn't have a good reputation, he is new boy on the block and he is being questioned. he has support from some people and not others, he is quick and could give a hand to the diet buying him some time.
i think i need to get my friend and the dodgy guy work together and kick the shit of the Enemy.

Right now, it is also very important that i have my full Oncologists support. he has pulled some major strings with doctors and surgeons, and i need to focus on the bigger picture.
chemo attack, food heal, together they kick ass. Professor and I work together and get me into a rehab.

i had my PICC line put in this morning. it's a thin tube pushed through one of your veins from your elbow to your heart, strange feeling. My room became an operating theatre in seconds. they put green sheets on everything, head to toe in surgeon outfit etc. anyway, small pinch and 20 minutes, it's in. thanks god for that. i was sweating, pinching my fingers banging my phone against my head, anything to divert the attention. i had to twist my neck and look down to avoid the line going towards the brain! that didn't happen. She was very sweet, friendly and fun.

At 6pm they brought it.
i'm lying on my bed with a futuristic looking baby milk bottle! it's my companion for the next 24 hrs.
we are meditating together with my toxic bottle of chemo and accepting him into the family. i'm warning him not to be too harsh, and respect what i have been doing for the lest 4 weeks.
we are going to work as a team, we have the same objective.
by embrassing a foreign object or even a chemical, we can united them and get the most of out them.
So this is what i'm doing.

I contacted a beautiful lady called Nadia who has been working with male and female breast cancer patients for over 20 year. She works at the Heaven Clinic in London Fullham. She had it herself and healed herself totally naturally. She was at Hippocrates a few years ago, we shared our experience and we both felt in heaven for short period of time, she brought back so many inspirational stories, hope and miracles

Positivity is so important. i'm getting more and more fired up by the day, feels the hospital brings you down soon as you arrive and you got to bounce back. i'm meeting a highly recommended acupuncturist tomorrow, look into wheelchairs, you can spend more money on a car than a wheelchair! couple hand excercise tools, get the blood going. come on let the journey begin. i wana get out of this bed.

we have been doing my Hippocrates diet 100% exact since i arrived. i wonder how many people have managed to be as disciplined as we. Unquestionably we have a good team, i'm the guide, Moh is everything, shopper, delivery, juicing, makes salads. Jojo is juicing, salads and gourmet shopping and hygiene. So grateful, so please everyone a major sending of love, strength and energy to Moh and Jojo.

no need to say how wonderful you all are supporting me in this tough journey. i would love to have a one to one replies with everyone one day, meet the people i don't know, i have so much more to learn from your experience. can't wait.

but for tonight i'm going to make friends with my Dodgy friend. i don't know too much about him, enough he could be dangerous, but he could have a another side.

i'm lying on my bed with a futuristic looking baby milk bottle! it's my companion for the next 24 hrs.
we're going to have some grown up chats about this cancer guy, who does he think he is. let's kick his ass.
by the morning, we will be working as a unit.
all my love and a new life
life force