Reza Time

Sorry i have not been updating everyone, but i needed some Reza time.

not much medical news, my pain is now under control which is amazing. it makes such a difference. still no feelings from chest down. otherwise it's waiting time.

my head is very clear, although the hospital environment is generally realistically negative. everyone wants me to be realistic! they keep saying it to me! you are realistic aren't you? yes i am thank you very much. i find it that if i speak with an air of confidence about my chances of recovery, they think i'm in coocoo land. we'll know in 4 weeks time, that will put everyone's mind at rest. as far as i'm concerned, i will beat it and that's that. no other way to think, right?

let me describe you my room.
my room is 5 meters by 6 meters. window to my left, door to my right, my bed in the middle of the room, bathroom in front of the bed, i haven't been in there yet! to my right, small fridge with a small worktop surface area which has become the kitchen. window looks at the side of the hospital building, not very inspiring at all.
the days just rolled into a week, it was a good week, much better than last weekend.

my days have been much better, a very different routine than last weekend.
i sort of wake up around 6 to 7.30 with a very dry mouth (side effects of morphine) and slightly in pain, normally the pain wakes me up. it's not too bad, it's just the way i'm lying in bed. so i move about a little bit. i have what is called a monkey hoop above my bed, i grab it and pull my upper body from left to right. i'm getting better at it everyday.

i try to go back to sleep if i can, but it's very difficult to get comfortable. i have to eat something before i can take my tablets, but it's so much effort. it takes me an hour, sometimes till about 9 to get my strength and wake up. if i'm lucky Jojo walks in with some delicious sprouted and steamed millet i can have with rice milk, if not i ask the nurse to pass me a piece of sprouted bread or i have a bowl of sprouted buckwheat with rice milk. it's double hard being so disabled and being 100% faithful to my diet. but i believe in it.

depending on the nurse looking after me (it's an effort juicing the wheatgrass and i can't just ask any of them to do it) or if Jojo comes in early, i have a shot of wheatgrass which gives me immediate energy and i feel awake.

around 10.30 i have a bed wash, 2 nurses come in to do this, they need to turn me etc. the last couple of days i managed to wash my own upper body, i'm getting stronger everyday. i have my own organic soap and organic lavender cream and the nurses enjoy it, it smells delicious. they all ask about the diet, organic stuff and agree with what i'm doing.

sometimes, after the bath i feel shattered, i go to sleep for a little bit, otherwise they lift me up with hoist (an odd looking machine and it looks like they lift me up in a plastic bag!) and i sit in a very odd looking but well supported wheelchair. it's nice to be sitting upright, but very tiring as my muscles are weak/ not working to support myself.

Moh comes in at 11, makes my wheatgrass juice if i haven't had it and then my green juice. i read the paper as he makes my salad for lunch. i have my lunch as he reads the paper. he's got the food preparation down to perfection. it's a routine.

he leaves, either i have a little nap or get into my wheelchair for an hour. it's more of an exercise activity. the whole operation, getting me ready for the wheelchair, lift me up, put me in it, sit there, then get back to bed takes a couple of hours. it's such hard work. most of the time i poo myself as they move me, so they have to clean me etc... i used to get embarassed, but now it's a normal affair. i have absolutely no control, i'm just like a baby, i go. if i can i small something, i call the nurses, they come and clean me. that's another 30 minute job, sometimes in the middle of the night too!

Sometimes Dave (my step brother) comes around 5 and makes my juices for me. he is very good at it. Moh comes around 6/7 for my evening juice (if Dave hasn't come) and makes my dinner too. i'm a lot more lively in the evenings, we chat. my dad has been here this week, he comes in the evenings with Moh. it's been nice seeing him, he can't do much as he doesn't understand any of my diet. times goes by fairly quick, everyone leaves by 9. i do my research on spinal cord recovery, raw food suppliers, look for nice snacks etc.

around 11, i get ready for bed, nurses come in and turn me to my left or right and put cushions around me so i don't roll back. as i lie on my back most of the day, i sleep on my sides at night so i don't get pressure sores (the skin breaks if you put. my bed has air mattress, a pump pushes pressures around the mattress to help relieve pressure from one area. takes getting used to, also noisy at night.

i switch off around midnight, meditate and try to go to sleep. the mind games start, hopefully fall asleep around 1, around 4, they come to turn me and check if i'm clean! sometimes it's really difficult to go back to deep sleep after they roll me, and just dose on and off till i wake up.

all the nurses have been amazing this week, very caring and gentle. not much interaction with doctors, my pain in under control, i'm getting stronger by the day.

Jojo is getting into the RAW food cooking/preparation. she is making me nut ice cream, such an amazing treat. she is going to prepare different dishes at home and bring them in. i'm very lucky.

everyone says how inspiring i am and all the kind words and comments that i keep reading on the blog. when i look at the people around me, from my brother who is on call 24/7 to Jojo, Dave, my family, all my close friends and friends, to you beautiful people that are reading my blog, lifting my spirit with your words, positivity, encouragements, jokes and sharing your experiences, no wonder i feel as good as i do. i feel very lucky to be so loved, supported and appreciated by everyone. when i read some of the comments on the blog and emails that friends have sent, i have tears in my eyes, tears of such joy and happiness that everyone has so much enjoyed my existence, and they remember the little details about me, my personality and how i've changed their lives. i have tears in my eyes as i write this, it makes me so emotional in a nice way.

i'm going to beat this, no question about it. i'm giving it all i've got in a true Reza way.

this wednesday they will assess to see if i can go to a rehabilitation centre in London called The Wellington. This would be amazing as they specialize in people with the extend of my disability. the issue is i'm i well enough from the effects of the cancer to go out of hospital. i'm not holding hope for a transfer for at least another 3 weeks. will let you know.

a big thank you to my cousin Nadereh who's been shipping supplements, food and equipments constantly from America. thank you so much.

i'm looking forward to this week, i feel it's going to be a good week.

love and positive energy
to life force
reza